The “B-Scale” (or why I’m not missing my shot at immortality twice)

In high school I used to hang out with this guy Eric a lot. We used to come up with all kinds of words and phrases and we used to quote movies like Fletch and Vacation a lot. You are free to believe this or not, but I (or he, or both.. hard to remember) one day in Junior year (1986) came up with the word “Milf”. If you don’t know what it means, look it up. Yea.. we came up with the word and used it a bunch and eventually it made it to the ears of the scriptwriter who wrote American Pie which then made it a household word. It’s impossible to claim credit for this word anymore now.

But not again! I came up with something I call the B-Scale in college and I use it all the time and I tell people about it and I can see the day when it gets all popular and I’m stuck at parties telling people “yea, I invented that and the word Milf.. no really”. So I’m going to post it here and hope that will be enough to cement my copyright.

The B-Scale is a rating system for womens breasts. It’s supposed to be used like the 10 scale.. so you are supposed to give a quick rating as a girl walks by when you are with your friends (who also are supposed to know the scale as well). It’s important to note that using the scale is not a science, it’s more of an artform. You have to give your B rating out quickly and you have to stick to it.. there is no changing a rating after the fact.

The scale is made up of 3 metrics and each metric can have a number from one to three. The first two metrics are valuations of specific attributes and the third is a catch-all rating (the third value is the most important and telling). So, it’s quite simple actually, the B scale gets its name from the words Big, Bouncy and Beautiful. First you give an indication of the breast size, then an evaluation of the bounciness and lastly a catch-all rating of the total beauty of the breasts. Now, if you spend some time thinking about it, you can have a pair of breasts in all 27 classifications. Here’s some examples :

– A woman walks by with huge and tremendously bouncy breasts.. just way too big and bouncy to deal with. She would get a 3-3-1.

– Another has very large, solid non-moving breasts but they fit her perfectly and are just perfect : 3-1-3

– Small brests, not bouncy but again perfect : 1-1-3

etc… It takes practice but the scale can describe almost anyone. Give it a try!

ps. I also came up with the expression “Give me some Pepper!!” and the word “shrub” in case you hear them…

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